It’s odd, how one of the best years of my life, was subsequently followed by one of the worst. I’ll never forget the great times we had, what an adventure it was, but nothing down here on Earth really lasts forever.

I did things for her that she didn’t know. I have rings, that’s right, keyword, rings, two of them. The party for our meetup group on May 25th that I never told her if she was welcome to attend or not, was supposed to be for us, one of those rings might have been given to her on that night, but she walked away before that. I put every last ounce of my hope, and my dreams into that relationship, I never did anything like that before. I did lots of things I never did before. I let go of my past relationships in my mind and focused completely on the present. I lived in the present, but I hoped for the future, and stopped dwelling on the past. I made plans and set them in motion. I stayed patient for her to finish school. I held back my frustration when she avoided me in March so I wouldn’t cause her any unnecessary stress. I tried my best to treat her the way I felt she really deserved to be treated. I still think she’s an amazing woman, a hard worker, dedicated student and mother.

In the end, I take full ownership of my own mistakes. The things I said that I can never erase. Saying “I’m sorry” can only go so far, but I still am sorry. I’m hurt, deeply hurt, I have emotional pain that I have only felt once in my life, when my best friend Mike lost his battle with Cancer, and that never completely went away. I really can’t even see the end of the tunnel right now. Still, that’s just an excuse for my actions, only I am in control of my own actions, and my own emotions. I tried to really hide how I feel, and pretend I was ok, but balling that up inside doesn’t do any good either.

No one’s perfect, mistakes were made, life goes on. I wish them, all of them, even the kid and the cats, the best, always. All I want, really, is for her to be happy, because she deserves it.

Right now I am not in a state that I could have a healthy relationship with anyone right now, so I will just do my own thing until the time is right. Allons-y!