It’s been a minute…

I’ve been rather busy for months. After I fixed a weird database issue that popped up and got sick of fighting with a couple of incompatible WordPress plugins, I kind of just, gave up on the blog. Only one post so far this year, about the new website “for my employer”. I say employer but I partly own the company also, and was reminded of that recently, eventually it will be my responsibility.

Times have been rough, first world problems still pulling hair out rough, but still rough. I took advice of people I shouldn’t and did a really stupid thing last year. I asked someone a question, which I absolutely expected “no” for an answer, but, the other party trying to be gentle didn’t say no directly and that bothered me. I was trying to prove someone wrong, I was trying to prove she would say no, but I needed a direct answer, and what I got, like I said wasn’t a direct answer. I got frustrated and it escalated, and I said something out of anger that wasn’t even what I meant. I lost more than just a friend that day.

There were a number of other mistakes I made, out of anger and frustration, and I was deep in my emotional pain.

If you happen to stumble upon this, the best I can do say I am sorry, but sorry can only do so much, when there’s hole in the fence or the plate is already broken on the floor.

I can say, I’m ok, I’m fine, the  rough spots after the fact are all going away, another friend moved in, there’s no three of us in my condo. We also have new lights and new floors.

Working on me, now, doing what I enjoy even if it’s just by myself.

I’m going to reinstall the Thesis theme on this thing soon, and maybe actually post regularly again. I don’t know yet, have some ideas rattling around.

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New website for my employer

My employer Magnolia Properties has a brand spanking new website!  We went back to our previous web designer and had them design a brand new site from scratch. It’s very nice, very modern, no more flash navigation bar, and I can admin it pretty easily, since it’s built on a very familiar platform.


Here it is Magnolia Properties

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FOUND The light at the end of the tunnel

I looked back at my life, mistakes I have made that I can’t fix, and people I have allowed to steal my joy. I looked back, and I said to myself, NO MORE. I’m not a Timelord, my blue car isn’t a time machine, all I can do is make the future better. That my friends IS the light at the end of the tunnel that I was looking for. I would say that I am “only human” but that’s a cop out. I am more than that, I am ME.

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Moving forward

No clue what caused the database issues, but it was time to change passwords and stuff anyway.

Keeping this one short, it’s lunch time.

It’s been a rough year so far, to say the least, some things fell apart, some goals rendered pointless, but for the goals of mine, and plans I can still complete, I am moving forward.  I have new ones too. My New Years resolution was “don’t stop” and that’s what I meant, don’t go stagnant, don’t stop moving forward, don’t give up the changes.

New path in front of me, and a future that is unknown. I look forward to it. And AWAY WE GO!

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So…here I sit starting again.

It’s odd, how one of the best years of my life, was subsequently followed by one of the worst. I’ll never forget the great times we had, what an adventure it was, but nothing down here on Earth really lasts forever.

I did things for her that she didn’t know. I have rings, that’s right, keyword, rings, two of them. The party for our meetup group on May 25th that I never told her if she was welcome to attend or not, was supposed to be for us, one of those rings might have been given to her on that night, but she walked away before that. I put every last ounce of my hope, and my dreams into that relationship, I never did anything like that before. I did lots of things I never did before. I let go of my past relationships in my mind and focused completely on the present. I lived in the present, but I hoped for the future, and stopped dwelling on the past. I made plans and set them in motion. I stayed patient for her to finish school. I held back my frustration when she avoided me in March so I wouldn’t cause her any unnecessary stress. I tried my best to treat her the way I felt she really deserved to be treated. I still think she’s an amazing woman, a hard worker, dedicated student and mother.

In the end, I take full ownership of my own mistakes. The things I said that I can never erase. Saying “I’m sorry” can only go so far, but I still am sorry. I’m hurt, deeply hurt, I have emotional pain that I have only felt once in my life, when my best friend Mike lost his battle with Cancer, and that never completely went away. I really can’t even see the end of the tunnel right now. Still, that’s just an excuse for my actions, only I am in control of my own actions, and my own emotions. I tried to really hide how I feel, and pretend I was ok, but balling that up inside doesn’t do any good either.

No one’s perfect, mistakes were made, life goes on. I wish them, all of them, even the kid and the cats, the best, always. All I want, really, is for her to be happy, because she deserves it.

Right now I am not in a state that I could have a healthy relationship with anyone right now, so I will just do my own thing until the time is right. Allons-y!

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Best days of my life

Best days of my life

March 25, 2012 – April 7, 2013

So, she’s gone
Only one thing I regret
I failed
My anger got the best of me
What now?
I keep living
I hope she’s ok
I miss her
Can’t fix it now
I said sorry
That’s all I can offer
She walked away
I will live
It hurts
I’m a survivor
So is she
She will live
Life goes on

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Giant makes the Constant Choice

The next book I read, was The Constant Choice: An Everyday Journey From Evil Toward Good by Peter Georgescu and it was published by Greenleaf Book Group Press

The NetGalley page has this description

We live in a most challenging time. Many of us struggle, emotionally, ethically, and spiritually. We seem headed toward less compassion and consideration, failing to overcome that basic instinct that often leads to evil in human behavior—self-preservation at all costs. Yet within each of us a new future is stirring. We can become better people and build a better world by opting for good over evil—one choice at a time. In The Constant Choice, Peter Georgescu offers a gripping narrative of his journey from childhood captivity in a Romanian labor camp to his role as CEO of the world-renowned advertising agency Young & Rubicam. His traumatic youth—his parents’ exile from their homeland, his grandfather’s murder in prison, his neighbors’ betrayal of one another—led to a lifelong struggle to grasp humanity’s moral nature. Despite his conviction when he arrived on American soil that he had reached the land of the good, he discovered a more subtle evil at work all around him. Yet he also thrived through the generosity of one benefactor after another. Goodness, he found, isn’t inherent; it evolves from daily choice. Through decades of reflection on human behavior, as well as philosophical and spiritual exploration, Peter arrived at a new perspective on the significance of our habitual choices. Every decision we make alters our biological nature, for better or worse—a model that has been confirmed by recent science. The Constant Choice reveals a path for changing who we are and the future of humanity. It’s up to each of us to become activists for good.

I found it to be a fascinating read, about as the author puts it “the constant choice” of choosing to do good, or evil, and it is told through his own life story, growing up in Romania being forced to work as a child, and discovering his own faith as an adult.  This book is unlike any book I have ever read, and is an interesting view of the world itself, and the idea that good people can chose to do evil. It’s also a journey of spirituality from the author’s own perspective.

I love the way the story is told,  and the author’s honesty, he admits it’s the story as he remembers it. We know that memory fades over time, and a “true story” is usually told from memory, and always from the author’s own perspective which is clouded by one’s own life experiences also.

I would highly recommend this book to others to read, and I already have.  When I have a chance, I will certainly read it again, I have no doubt in my mind!

I know these are short,  I’m trying to review these as a reader, not as a critic, I enjoy reading just for the sake of reading, as both entertainment, and to learn. You can learn a lot from the lives of other people, and their own perspectives, maybe, some of it becomes part of you, and you become a better person for it.  I love to learn, I never stop trying to learn, like the author of this book does, I just don’t get out and travel as much, but then I am not, nor have I been the CEO of a big marketing firm either.

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Hello 2013

So, my birthday, Christmas and New Years were awesome.

For my birthday I got a SodaStream Genesis, that’s been a fun thing in my house, going to look at alternative options for CO2, since theirs is WAY overpriced.

For Christmas, my favorite gift, was the NES and games my girlfriend gave me. She made a retro collector out of me. I’m already looking at what games I want to acquire (or reacquire) I’m especially fascinated by the more recent homebrew games that are on NES carts and have already bought two of those.

Next book  review is coming, not a comic this time, don’t know if I’ll do that again. going to start on that next week when she starts school again. I’m proud of her hardworking self.  I’ll miss her when she’s busy, but I’ll have more time to continue down my own to-do list and stuff that I am working on myself.

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Giant reads Pazuzu’s Girl

This one I started reading actually before Thanksgiving, I didn’t notice until recently that the book just moved to an archive shelf on NetGalley and I could still turn in a review. Yes I am still figuring out how this works, and finding my voice as a book reviewer. So without further ado, here’s the actual first book I read.  Pazuzu’s Girl by Rachel Coles.

Ok, so what is this book about anyway? Well, I’ll give you the description.

Morpho Wilson thought her life was difficult enough. Her father is Pazuzu, the Mesopotamian demon of plague and the Southwest wind. As a teenager, Morpho struggles against her father, while trying to adjust to high school in a new neighborhood. The family is constantly moving in an attempt to elude Pazuzu’s murderous ex-wife, a demoness known for killing children.

Then something interesting happens. A socially-impaired classmate becomes so intrigued by Morpho that he pursues her, despite the mystery surrounding her family and the danger that accompanies it.

But before their romance can grow, the demoness tracks Morpho down, and now only needs an ancient artifact called the Tablet of Destiny to complete the destruction of the world. The tablet confers on its owner the ability to control the fate of everything and everyone on earth.

Once the tablet is discovered in the Middle East, the oldest and most powerful gods begin a battle for its possession, with the human population caught in the middle. Morpho, her family, and her new friend must decide, do they escape from the horrifying demoness or fight for their own destiny? How far will Pazuzu go to save his daughter from a hellish fate? Will his banishment from Heaven so many millennia ago end up being a curse…or a blessing?

Is that tl;dr (too long, didn’t read)? Let me make it short then,it’s a story about a divorced father and his daughter, Simple, right? Only if the ex wife didn’t have a history of murdering children.  That would frustrate any parent out there wouldn’t it.

Some people might wonder why I read such a book, there’s a  simple answer, honestly, I picked it because I liked the cover, and the description piqued my curiosity. This book actually surprised me, it has a bit of humor, it’s not as serious as it sounds. Some of it is very geeky and made this geek almost want to really roll on the floor laughing out loud. The references in this book are fun too, but I won’t give any of that away though, so you will just have to read it yourself.

Did I enjoy this, will I read it again? Yes, absolutely I will. It’s fun, it’s fantastical, and it’s my kind of geeky.  It’s a nice escape, the characters are fun, completely unreal and yet kind of familiar.  This is one that I would happily purchase for my Kindle Library or leave out on my bookshelf.  It was a fun read for me.

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Oops…I forgot

Danger Girl/G.I. JOE is available for preorder currently from Amazon, and it’s being published by IDW.  The link will take you to the preorder page.

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